Mechanical Pie
by Lautrec Luvers
Summary: {By: Alli} Life in the Real World can be very...sexual. Erin finds this out for herself, along with battling Alli and trying to ignore the annoying Moose ("This one time...in the Matrix...").


Mechanical Pie

By: Alli

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CHAPTER ONE

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Disclaimer: The Matrix is not mine…it's not real either ;) American Pie is not mine, nor do I want it. Nothing's mine accept the character I play (Alli). Erin (Erin) belongs to herself. Also, Moose is mine too. And he's a loser. Nyeh.

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_What is the Matrix?_

Erin sat at her computer and typed the very familiar and overused phrase into a search engine. No results.

_'What is the Matrix?'_

Erin tried again, this time using '''s. No results.

_'Tell me about the Matrix.'_

No results.

_'Who is the Matrix?'_

Erin tried again.

_'Matrix, the'_

And again and again and again, each time slightly changing the phrase. "Damn search engines. I knew I should've used Yahoo." Erin muttered, pressing the 'enter'' key on her frustrated question 

'_What the fuck is the gawd damn Matrix, you schmuck?'_

Hoping for no results, Erin nearly fell out of her chair when one result appeared. "Eureka!" She quickly clicked on the link and a website appeared. Shaking with excitement, she read the page.

            _'Hello. My name is Morphine. Not to be confused with Morpheus, who can tell you what the Matrix is. So stop calling me!!! But if you want, I can tell you about the Inequality…'_

Suddenly, the screen went black. "What the fuck?" Erin muttered when _'fdoigfhaknjg uhjghg iuowhy' _appeared on her screen.

_'Fdoigfhaknjg uhjghg iuowhy'_

"Am I drunk?" Erin asked herself, not sure if she was even awake.

'The Matrix…you think about it every day; when you shower, when you have sex. You want to know what it is.'

Erin shook her head. "I must be drunk." She started smacking herself, hoping to get un-drunk. "And how could _my computer_ know what the Matrix is?"

Stop slapping yourself, you dumb fuck. I'm not your computer. I'm Trin-uhh, I mean, I am someone who knows what the Matrix is.

Erin stared in awe at her computer.

'Follow the blue zebra.'

Erin started to laugh, but stopped abruptly as the next message popped up.

'The Matrix is the world you kno-Umm, not that. That's not the Matrix! To learn about the Matrix, follow the blue zebra.'

"Right…" Muttered Erin, not believing a thing until:

'Pitter Patter, Erin.'

At that second, it started to rain, hard. When Erin heard the 'pitter patter' of rain on the windows she declared, "I need to have sex."

~*~*~*~

(Scene: Somewhere in an old run-down building)

"Damnit, Neo!" Trinity shouted after Neo bumped into her and knocked her down onto the keyboard, causing 'fdoigfhaknjg uhjghg iuowhy' to appear on the screen. "Now look what you made me do! I told you not to come."

Neo smirked. "You always leave me behind when you do this. I wanted to know why you're so secretive."

Trinity turned back to the computer, scowling, and typed in the next message:

'The Matrix…you think about it every day; when you shower, when you have sex. You want to know what it is.'

Trinity sat back in the chair and waited. Neo was laughing in the background.

'Stop slapping yourself, you dumb fuck. I'm not your computer. I'm Trin-uhh, I mean, I am someone who knows what the Matrix is.'

"Neo, shut up! You're distracting me. I almost blew my cover." Trinity pushed her hair behind her ears before she continued.

'Follow the blue zebra.'

"The blue zebra?!" Neo managed to say while he rolled on the ground laughing uncontrollably. Trinity growled.

"I'm running out of colors and animals! Can you think of anything better?" She waited for a response, but Neo was too busy laughing to hear. "Didn't think so." Trinity added, pausing to think of what to type next. But before she could think of something, Neo grabbed her and tossed her out of the window. Trinity fell 3 stories down and landed in a garbage dump. Sitting down in the chair, it was now Neo's turn to type.

"Blue zebra…" He muttered to himself. "Hah. What a joke."

' Alright you dumb schmuck. This is the Matrix: The Matrix is the world you kno-Umm, not that. That's not the Matrix! To learn about the Matrix, follow the blue zebra. Pitter Patter, Erin.'

Trinity had managed to get back into the room and kick the hell out of Neo, knocking him unconscious just before he finished typing 'know'. She quickly finished the message and shut down the computer.

"I hate you!" She kicked Neo in the ribs. He woke up and cursed loudly.

"Easy, Trinity."

"You jackass!" Trinity raged. "I HATE YOU!"

"What about that whole monologue about how much you looooooove me, huh? What was that?" Neo gave a sad puppy face.

"That was apparently too soon to make the right judgments." She pulled out a blue sharpie and wrote 'ZEBRA' on Neo's forehead. "Go find Erin. So where was I? I HATE-"

At that moment, Agent Faggot (the new recruit) found it a good time to shoot Trinity, who promptly dies.

"O shit." Neo cursed before stalling the ass out of Faggot and escaping via the phone in the room.

~*~*~*~

END OF CHAPTER ONE

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End file.
